The other day my mood went from fine to irriated and ready to cry.
Its been happening a lot.
I then realize that I’ve maybe forgotten a day or two of my anti-depressants but then what about the times I’ve been taking them and it still happens.
Its no shock that 2020/Covid has left a lasting impact on life. We’re still wearing masks. Things are closed once again. And the fact that its winter doesn’t help.
My regular depression was already competing against Covid depression & now enters seasonal depression.
I’m too tired to get stuff done therefore the clutter is returning. Which is causing more depression because I’m not accomplishing anything. Work life is adding to the stress because we’re basically the Titanic at this point.
“Are you okay?” My now ex-husband regularly asks. I sigh and say “yes” because there are tiny ears always listening.
“Is there anything I can do?” How do you tell someone you need them to not have as many bad days when you yourself have been there?
I just need life to return to normal. I need to be able to do things without wearing a blasted mask. I need my ex to feel decent enough for rotations and I’m not constantly going into 2 week cycles. I need my job to appreciate me… which don’t get me started on finding another. I need the pay and flexibility that allows for short notice school changes.
I just need my brain to re-wire and be functional without the help of medicine.
And maybe perhaps a crying session followed by a vacation to decompress… followed by another vacation to actually enjoy.
I know I’m not the only one feeling this right now. And I know I’m fortunate enough to have a little person to fight for if nothing else. But to those who don’t– please know I’m here.